save the date.

Mason and I were very open about everything in our relationship, and he knows without a doubt that I am waiting for him. I think because of this we never really discussed what I would do if I got asked out on a date while he is gone. Would I say yes? Would I say no? It really didn't matter because I was waiting. But even though I know I'm waiting, unfortunately this weekend I had to confront my fears. I got asked out on a date.
I had no idea it would be as difficult as it was—in every single aspect.  I didn't know whether to say yes or whether to say no. It took me so off guard and I was terrified. As soon as I figured out what was happening my stomach completely dropped. However, I knew if I could have instant messaged Mason right then and there he would have told me to go. It was only for that reason that I said yes. Now don't get me wrong the guy who asked me was incredibly nice.  The date was really fun and creative, he was polite and easy to talk to....but he wasn't Mason.
Everything about the date seemed off. I couldn't be my self, I was awkward, I felt like I was hiding something from him, I wasn't even comfortable looking at my phone in fear that he would see that my lock screen was a picture of Mason. Overall I just felt guilty. Not only towards Mason, but also towards My date. Weirdly enough, I probably felt more guilty towards my date than towards Mason. I knew Mason would understand and be encouraging. I had told Mason I was going on this date, so he at least knew my situation beforehand. My date however had no clue what my situation was. He had no idea I was dating someone or waiting for a missionary. He didn't know why I couldn't be myself. He didn't know why I was hesitant to open up or why I didn't want to get even a foot close to him. I'm sure he thought I was a terrible date!
If I were to do it over again, I would probably still agree to the date but explain my situation. No secrets. But in general I think I will just stick to the single life. The single life is the life for me (until Mason gets home). Because I just don't think it is fair. These BYU boys are marriage hungry, so why waste their time and money? Plus, there are PLENTY of gorgeous girls around this campus to go around.
So my conclusion on the dating issue: I'm glad I went. Even though I was an awkward mess and a terrible date, it made me appreciate Mason infinitely more—it completely solidified my feelings for him. Everyday I grow to love him more and more. I don't know what I would do without him. Would I go on a date again? Oh baby you better believe I will be going on another date....in 2 years.